Ask Anita

I recently wrote about a couple of needy, clingy women and the “nice guys” (Ziggy and Lorne) who are being victimized by their girlfriends’ desperate and overbearing behavior.

Now, calling the guys “nice” may not be entirely accurate, considering they’re lying to their girlfriends and leading them on. Normally, they are nice, but (despite their good intentions), in this case, not so much.

Anyway, here’s another story about another nice guy and the woman he eventually dumped…

The Story of Andrew and Tess (not their real names)

Andrew is one of the sweetest guys you’ll ever meet. He’s respectful, kind, compassionate, and gives everyone (yes, everyone!) the benefit of the doubt, no matter how suspicious, outrageous, or despicable their behavior.

And like Lorne and Ziggy, he detests confrontation.

One day, a friend of Andrew’s introduced him to her co-worker, Tess, thinking they might hit it off.

Sure enough, she was right. Andrew and Tess began sleeping together immediately, seeing each other almost daily, and all seemed blissful on the home front.

But about a month into their relationship, Tess began acting really weird. I’ll spare you the details, but her behavior was so bizarre, Andrew was forced to get help.

Unbeknownst to Andrew, Tess suffered from a psychiatric disorder and had stopped taking her meds shortly after they met. And as Andrew eventually discovered, going off her meds was something Tess did on a regular basis.

So she was hospitalized for a couple of months until she stabilized. And even though they’d only been together a few short weeks before this happened, Andrew felt obligated to remain by Tess’s side the entire time.

When she was released, they continued dating. But Andrew was worried.

What if she goes off her meds again? How bad can it get? How will I cope with having a mentally ill girlfriend? he wondered. On the other hand, since she promised to stay on her medication, he didn’t feel he had a good reason to break it off.

If he liked her before, why couldn’t he still like her now? he rationalized. After all, if she had diabetes or any other manageable condition, he wouldn’t be breaking up with her over that. So why dump someone just because they have a few teensy-weensy psychiatric issues?

Well, he should have.

Approximately six months later, Andrew met someone else and proceeded to date both women simultaneously.

At some point Tess stopped taking her meds again and began acting even nuttier than before. She began stalking Andrew, leaving strange objects and weird notes in his mailbox, flipping out in public, setting herself on fire, and doing all kinds of other crazy shit.

Andrew was forced to admit Tess just wasn’t the girl for him and that he preferred his new (saner and more rational) companion. However, being afraid of what Tess might do to herself – or possibly to him- Andrew simply didn’t have the guts to end it.

Mind you, like most guys, he was still enjoying the sex. (Apparently, crazy girls are really hot in bed.)

Finally, a mutual friend informed Tess that Andrew was seeing another woman and had been doing so for months.

Tess didn’t believe it at first and vehemently proclaimed, “Andrew would never do that to me!” And Tess had every reason to assume she was right.

As I said, Andrew is one heck of a wonderful guy. He doesn’t deliberately hurt people or tell lies. But his fear of confrontation and the inevitable backlash of dumping his mentally unstable girlfriend, caused him to act out of character and behave badly.

Tess confronted Andrew and was horrified when he came clean and suggested they break up.

Naturally, Tess threw a tantrum and proceeded to destroy everything in her path. She may not have handled it very well, but – mentally ill, or not – she certainly had a right to be angry.

The moral of the story?

No matter how noble their reasons, Ziggy, Lorne, and Andrew are all guilty of the same thing – leading women on.

So guys, if you begin dating someone and discover she’s a little bit nuts, too possessive, too oppressive, or too (insert issue here), and you realize you’ve made a mistake, for your own sake and hers – please, just tell the woman!

Don’t let it drag on and on and on. It doesn’t get any easier, and the longer you avoid being honest, the worse your break-up will be.

Staying in a relationship because you’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings is ridiculous! And you’re not being “nice” by sparing someone the truth.

Most women are not as fragile as you think. We’d rather have our feelings hurt early on than be lied to or strung along for months or even years.

So if you happen to be one of those guys, just waiting for the right time to break the news… get it over with now!

Some day your (ex) girlfriend will thank you.