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Beware of Valentine E-Cards From People You Don’t Know! January 30, 2008

Posted by Anita in Online Hoaxes & Scams.
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The Internet Patrol has issued a warning to beware of virus-carrying Valentine e-cards:

Those Valentine greetings that you are receiving, often in the guise of free e Valentine cards, may be sending you more than “Happy Valentines Day” greetings. In fact, they may contain a virus or two. Phony trojan Valentine greetings include subjects such as “Sent with Love”, “Our Love Will Last”, “Our Love is Strong”, “You’re the One”, “A Toast My Love”, “Falling In Love with You”, “Special Romance”, “Your Love Has Opened”, “Heavenly Love”, and “You’re In My Thoughts”.

Security firm Sophos has confirmed that the trojan Valentine greetings are already starting this year.

“It seems the hackers were too impatient to wait for St Valentine’s Day this year before plucking on heart strings in their attempt to infect the unwary,” said Graham Cluley, a senior consultant with Sophos. “People will be truly lovesick if they let the malicious code run on their PC.”

While the initial sentiment in the subject may be sweet, the link in the body of the email is anything but, taking the user not to see the rest of the supposed ecard, but to a computer on the hackers’ botnet which will then infect the user’s computer.

Explains Joel Smith, CTO and co-founder of online security company AppRiver, “Valentine’s Day is a prime time to spread a computer virus because so many people are flattered to receive unexpected cards and greetings. Be aware that many of the senders are after your bank account or your hard drive rather than your heart. If you’re not careful, they’ll break all three.”

“Because this email looks so credible, we expect the infection rate to be very high, perhaps in the millions of systems. It is important that people understand this virus is out there and be careful opening emails from unknown senders,” added AppRiver security analyst, Fred Touchette.

Says Touchette, “The bottom line is this: When in doubt, throw it out.”

Remember: If you receive an e-card from someone you don’t know, or you receive an e-mail offering you free Valentine e-cards, do NOT click on the attachment and delete the e-mail immediately.

Cowardly Breakups January 26, 2008

Posted by Anita in Dating & Relationships.
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Breaking up is definitely hard to do.

Unless it’s of the amicable variety, leaving someone is rarely a pleasant experience, especially for the recipient of the bad news. So if you’re planning on breaking someone’s heart, please have the courtesy to show them some respect.

A lot of folks take the road of least resistance, without considering the effect it will have on the person they’re leaving. But consider this: If you liked the person well enough to date them, sleep with them, or move in with them, then why treat them like garbage when you’re ready to move on? Regardless of your reasons, you owe them an explanation.

I was checking out an online dating forum and came across some interesting “Break-up Stories.” Here are some of them:

Disappearing Act
“K” was in a relationship with “F” and everything was great. They talked all the time and went out almost every day. K was having the time of her life, when six months into it, she had to move out of state. F wanted to continue with a long-distance relationship, so K agreed. But within a month of moving, K noticed things had started to change. They continued to e-mail, but F didn’t want to talk on the phone. However he did promise to come and visit. Soon communication ended entirely—no phone calls, no e-mails, nothing. Then K moved back to her hometown. As soon as she returned, F wanted to resume their relationship. K agreed and they began dating again. They were together for another year, before F simply disappeared, and, once again—no phone calls, no e-mails, nothing. K still doesn’t know what happened.

Wait For It
“B” was in a relationship with “S” for two-and-a-half years. One day he took a road trip to visit his family and friends in another state. B didn’t hear from S for a month after that, and when he finally got back in touch it was to say, “I’m not attracted to you any more.” B didn’t see it coming.

What Just Happened?
“M” arrived at her boyfriend “T’s” place to find him having an intimate dinner with another woman. As M walked out the door, T called after her to never come back. M didn’t have a clue T had been cheating on her.

Marriage-Minded?
One poor sod was dating a woman for over a year when she suddenly disappeared for two months. When she got back in touch, it was to tell the guy that she’d just married someone else! Needless to say, he was flabbergasted!

No Second Chance
“S” was married for eight years when she took a vacation with her children. Upon her return, she waited at the airport for seven hours for her husband to pick them up. He didn’t show, so she finally took a shuttle bus home, only to find hubby parked in their driveway with another woman. Turns out, hubby had just returned from Vegas with his “friend.” S put the kids in the car and drove away, never to return again.

Typical Coward
“C” was seeing a guy who was wonderful at first, but soon began to cancel dates at the last minute or not bother to show up at all. She eventually tracked him down and asked if they were breaking up. His reply: “Well, I guess, since we haven’t talked in a while, yeah, it’s over.” Classic!

Just Friends?
“D” met “G” on an online dating site. They were together for about eight months, before G told D he was no longer interested in her sexually. In fact, he went so far as to say he just wasn’t a big fan of sex—period. He hoped he could continue seeing her as a friend and assured her he wasn’t seeing anyone else.

About a month later, he informed her he’d been kicked out of his current abode and needed a place to stay; could he stay with her? D agreed, but G set down the ground rules: no sex and he got to do whatever he wanted. For some reason D believed they were still a couple, despite his staying out all night and seeing other women (who were also “just friends”).

Things took a turn for the worse, when G began asking D to lend him money. Shortly thereafter, he moved out. After he was gone, he continued to ask for loans. D believed they were “friends” and gave him cash on several occasions. One day she called his new place and a woman answered the phone. D finally realized G had been using her all along.

Technically Over
Almost as bad as disappearing without a word, is the e-mail or text-message break-up. Heck, Sex and the City had an episode in which Berger dumps Carrie with a post-it-note. Now, how cowardly is that?!

Compassionate Liar?
One forum user had a creative break-up suggestion: If you’re in a heterosexual relationship, and want to break up with someone without hurting their feelings… just tell them you’re gay! (But I don’t recommend it.)

So What Should You Do?
As difficult as it can be, when things aren’t working out, you owe the person you’re breaking up with an explanation. Yes, there may be tears, and ugly things are sometimes said. But it’s kinder to experience some discomfort, than to leave a person hanging.

Everyone has feelings and sometimes they get hurt—it’s part of being human.

Never Too Old for Love January 19, 2008

Posted by Anita in Advice for Seniors, Dating & Relationships, Online Dating.
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It seems there is no age limit when it comes to affairs of the heart. Whether you’re eighteen or eighty, love has a way of making you weak in the knees.

With the advent of online dating, matchmaking services, and Viagra, it has never been easier for seniors from all walks of life to embrace romance and re-discover the joys of an intimate relationship.

A Second Chance for Romance
Take Marvin and Maggie (not their real names).

Seventy-eight-year-old Marvin was married for 43 years and has been a widower for the last ten. He has four children, all in their 40s, and a number of grandchildren of varying ages.

Five months ago, he connected with 75-year-old Maggie on a senior’s dating site and they’ve been inseparable ever since.

“I feel sixteen again!” Maggie gushes. “I know it sounds silly, but during our first two months of dating, I had butterflies in my stomach every time the phone rang. And I was more than a little disappointed when it wasn’t Marvin,” she adds.

Marvin admits to similar feelings. “Maggie’s a beautiful woman. Even at 75, her zest for life and youthful spirit cannot be denied. I’m sure she can have any man she wants, but I’m incredibly lucky she picked me!” he beams.

Maggie was married for 45 years before her husband died of a heart attack in 1997. They didn’t have children and at the age of 66 she found herself unbearably alone.

A pained expression settles around her eyes, as she thinks back to that lonely time. “I assumed my dating days were over,” she sighs.

But last year her niece taught her how to use a computer and her life changed dramatically.

“I discovered a whole new world!” she says. “The minute I started surfing the ‘net, I was hooked. If it wasn’t for the miracle of modern technology (and my niece) I never would have met Marvin.”

Marvin was already computer literate before he found Maggie. “I’m sure glad she learned how to use a computer or we wouldn’t be where we are now,” he chuckles.

So, is marriage in their future?

“Neither of us is in any rush to walk down the aisle again,” says Marvin. “But, if we’re still happy with each other, give or take a year from now, we may consider ‘living in sin’.”

He smiles at Maggie and winks. Maggie blushes.

When the Kids Don’t Approve
When seniors decide to try online dating, many are met with resistance from well-meaning family members and friends.

And rightfully so. The elderly are often targeted by con artists and need to be especially vigilant when communicating with people online.

Having said that, people are people. Some are good, kind, and respectful, and others just aren’t—whether you meet them online or off. After all, the internet isn’t the only place you can be scammed. You could be swindled by a door-to-door salesperson, a telephone solicitor, or even the friendly newcomer at your local church.

The key to your safety is to move slowly and be alert to red flags and gut feelings. Most importantly, never, ever give money to someone you barely know. A person truly interested in your well-being, wouldn’t dream of asking you to part with your retirement fund. Regardless of how much you like someone, if they ask you for money, suggest they speak with their bank manager, then walk—or better yet, run—away.

Even if your adult children aren’t worried about con artists, they may be reluctant to accept your need for companionship and romance. (See “Widower’s Adult Children Don’t Think Dad Should Date.”)

If this is the case, you’ll have to explain that your emotional—and physical—desires haven’t disappeared, simply because you’ve been around for a few decades.

Bring your new beau to family get-togethers and let your kids see for themselves that you’re happy, healthy, and not being taken advantage of.

You’ll win them over eventually.

As Long as You Know the Score
I received an amusing e-mail containing the following story:

Donald, an extremely wealthy 70-year-old widower, arrived at his country club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old on his arm.

The gorgeous blonde knocked everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and angelic charm. She never left Donald’s side, gazed into his eyes, and hung on his every word.

His buddies at the club were aghast. And when his date excused herself to powder her nose, they cornered him. “Wow, Donald! How’d you score the trophy girlfriend?” they wanted to know.

“Ah, gentlemen. She’s not my girlfriend, she’s my wife,” Donald replied.

Everyone was absolutely stunned. “Your wife? How the heck did you persuade such a young woman to marry you?” they asked.

“Oh. That was easy,” said Donald. “I lied about my age.”

“Really? What did you tell her… that you’re only 50?”

Donald smiled slyly before responding.

“Actually, no… I told her I was 90.”

New Mom Not in Love with Hubby January 16, 2008

Posted by Anita in Advice for Women, Dating & Relationships, Online Dating, Since You Asked.
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Dear Anita:
I’ve done something really stupid and it’s bothering me so much, I can barley function. I can’t eat or sleep and I’m feeling incredibly guilty. I’m a 27-year-old woman, married to a 29-year- old man. We met online three years ago and we’ve been married for just under two. I recently gave birth to our first child. My husband is not the best-looking guy around, but he’s a good man with a big heart. The problem is, I should never have married him. Before we met in person, everything was going great. His e-mails and phone calls were interesting, fun, and sexy, and we both thought we were in love. However, after we started dating, I realized we didn’t have much in the way of chemistry. But, he was such a nice guy, I decided to give him a chance and see how things went. Well, one thing led to another and we began sleeping together even though I wasn’t all that attracted to him. I’m not a shallow person, so I thought breaking up with him over that one thing was being superficial, since he’s wonderful in every other way. So, when he asked me to marry him, I convinced myself I’d never find a better human being and that he’d make a great father, so I said yes. Then I got pregnant and here I sit with a baby on my lap trying to figure out how I got myself into this mess. I’m no longer in love with my husband, I was never really attracted to him in the first place, and now we have a child together. My husband has no idea I’ve been feeling this way and he’ll be devastated when he finds out. But I’m totally unhappy. What should I do? –Way In Over My Head

Dear Way In:

No offence, but you could be the poster girl for what can go wrong when you “fall in love” with someone based solely on their online persona.

From online dating forums to “happy couple” testimonials, you’ll see people utterly convinced they’ve met their soul mate, based on a clever online profile and some well-crafted e-mails. Throw in a great photo and a sexy phone voice, and far too many online daters are ready to walk down the aisle. That is until they meet in person and a little thing called chemistry—or lack thereof—screws everything up.

Ironically, too much chemistry and not enough in common are also a recipe for disaster—but I’ll save that for another column.

So, what should you do?

At the risk of breaking your husband’s heart, the only thing you can do is be honest.

You say your husband has no idea you’ve been feeling this way. Chances are that isn’t entirely true. People have a way of showing how they feel through body language and other not-so-subtle clues. It’s possible he’s picked up on your unhappiness, especially if you’re not eating or sleeping.

While we’re on the subject, taking care of a baby when you can barely function is extremely dangerous for your child! I’d strongly suggest you speak to your OB/GYN to rule out post-partum depression. Were you feeling this unhappy before the baby was born?

And finally, you will likely require the assistance of a marriage counselor or relationship therapist to mediate as you share your feelings with your husband and come to an appropriate decision concerning the future of your relationship.

This won’t be easy, but, for the sake of your innocent child, you must take action immediately.

Wealthy Older Women, Hot Younger Men! January 14, 2008

Posted by Anita in Dating & Relationships, Since You Asked.
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Dear Anita:
We would like to bring your attention to a phenomenal event!!! Our partners at Pocket Change are running a speed date for wealthy older women and hot younger men. You can apply here: www.pocketchangenyc.com. Pocket Change is calling this event the Natural Selection Speed Date II – Sugar Mamas and Boy Toys. Wealthy women are required to send in some sort of official documentation and men must send in pictures. They will narrow down the applicants to 20 wealthy women and 20 of the hottest men. This is an event not to be missed, again please apply here. All the best, Ben Muller

Dear Ben:

Thanks for your e-mail.

To my readers: If you’re thinking of attending this event, it takes place in New York City on February 7, 2008.