Weeding Out the Bad: Online Dating Sites to Avoid January 11, 2008
Posted by Anita in Dating & Relationships, Online Dating.Tags: Ask Anita, bad online dating sites, comparing dating sites, dating, dating advice, dating and relationships, life, love, men, Online Dating, relationships, romance, sex, women
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If you’ve been surfing the ‘net for awhile, you’ve likely discovered that online dating sites are in high demand, but definitely not in short supply!
This, of course, can be very confusing to the unseasoned online dater.
You may be wondering how you can determine which site is right for you and how to distinguish the good from the mediocre, and the mediocre from the downright awful!
To help you in your quest, here are few things to consider:
1. How Picky Are You?
The best place to start is with you. If you’re absolutely clear on the type of person you wish to meet, then perhaps a niche dating site is more suitable for you than one of the larger mainstream versions.
For example, you love dogs and wouldn’t even consider dating someone who doesn’t? Then check out datemypet.com, animalattraction.com, or loveunleashed.com. (I don’t know how good these sites are, I’m just pointing out that they exist.)
Or, for those of you with, er… “less conventional tastes,” perhaps bondage.com will tickle your pickle. With 675,748 personal ads, you’re bound to be tied up there for quite some time!
But a word of caution: The sudden interest in niche dating has opened the flood gates for many a savvy entrepreneur with nothing more than a home computer and a software program. Be aware that many of the niche sites are fledgling start-ups with very few members.
Even though the concept may be great, if there’s no one else online, you’ll be viewing your own profile and exchanging messages with yourself!
2. Test-Driving the Sites
Unless the site’s been around for awhile and has an extensive membership base, do not pay for a service without taking a test drive first. Most sites will allow you to join and browse profiles for free, and you only pay when you’re ready to contact someone—or they contact you.
Case Study
One relatively new niche dating site (which shall remain nameless) is still recruiting new members. When you go to their home page, you’ll see this offer: The first 250 people to join will receive three months free!
Sounds good, right?
Well… maybe, but this automatically alerts you to the fact that they currently have fewer than 250 members!
Just how many fewer? The best sites will disclose how many members they have right on the home page, or give you a link to that information. But, if they don’t, you can figure it out for yourself by using their search function.
In this particular case, I entered “woman seeking man” between the ages of 18 and 90, and received seven matches. Then I tried “man seeking woman” with the same age parameters, and received three. I have now confirmed that this site has a grand total of 10 members. But wait! There’s more (or shall I say, less).
Three of the seven male profiles are showing as “not recently active,” whittling down my choices to only four. I also suspect that most (if not all) of the seven “active” members on this site (three women, four men) are friends of the owner, and, at least one, is likely the owner him- or herself.
As a rule of thumb, I wouldn’t recommend joining a site with less than a thousand members, unless it’s 100% free and you don’t mind waiting for it to take off.
3. Testimonials
Most sites offer testimonials from members who’ve allegedly found their soul mates through the site.
My aforementioned case study has one such testimonial. Considering the site only has ten members, I was a tad suspicious. But then again, anything’s possible.
However, after reading the testimonial, I discovered that the couple in question did NOT meet on the site at all! They actually met through an online forum for people with similar interests, and are simply agreeing that a niche site such as this one is a good idea! (Pretty sneaky, eh?)
Also, beware of sites using “stock photographs” with their testimonials. If the couples gushing about how they met are real, why post pictures of models?
4. Outrageous Claims
Also, beware of false statements and empty promises!
The FAQ section of my case study site has this question:
“Do people actually meet on your site? Do they ever get married?”
This is the answer, and remember—they have only 10 members!:
“Thousands of people meet on our site daily and go on to date and start relationships. We’ve also had hundreds of marriages across many borders. To see for yourself, check the site for real stories of real connections.”
This is, obviously, a bald-faced lie.
However, to be fair, it COULD simply be an oversight. As I mentioned earlier, anyone with an internet connection and a software program can create an online dating site. It’s entirely possible that the FAQs section simply came with the software, and the site owners didn’t bother to “correct” the bogus answer.
Either way, it’s certainly not professional and a good reason to move on.
5. Are all the Members Real?
Some sites have been accused of sending fake messages from fake members to entice you to pay.
In fact, in November 2005, a frustrated member of mega-matchmaker Match.com filed a lawsuit against them. He claimed that they used fake profiles, sent fake “winks,” and that a fake member (a female employee of Match.com) went out on a date with him to ensure he renewed his subscription.
The plaintiff’s lawyer said his client discovered the scam when his date confessed to being employed by Match.com. Match.com, however, denied the allegations and had the “fake date” in question sign an affidavit, declaring that she never worked for the company.
In a separate lawsuit, Yahoo! Personals was accused of posting fictitious profiles to make it look as though they have more members than they actually do.
Although none of these allegations have been proven, you have to wonder if there isn’t at least some truth to them.
As a dating and relationship writer, I join a lot of different sites to see how they work. Since my motivation is to conduct research, I do my best to keep a low (and unappealing) profile. I don’t post a picture; the description of myself is limited; my headline is boring, etc., and yet, without fail, within days (sometimes hours) of becoming a member of some of these sites, I’ll receive an e-mail telling me that I have messages from supposedly interested parties. However, in order to access the messages, or respond to them—I have to pay!
Hmmm… sounds awfully suspicious to me!
For more information, please also see my post: “What’s the Difference Between Online Dating and a Matchmaking Service?”
Yes i totally agree, and if i had the money and power i would sue, certain websites as well, like for example match.com
Isn’t it ironic, that when it comes to dating on the internet there is a right way to do things and a wrong way to do things, beleive it or not. And the ones who do it right, are very succesful. The ones who are doing it wrong, lie to theyre customers, try and deceive them into paying theyre websites outrageous prices, and create fake member profiles, and send them fake emails.
I’d like to point out a website that has done it right for a long time, and how they are actually having people meet up, peoples time isnt being wasted, and its a very honest yet simple website.
hotornot.com
ok say you wanna be a member, 6 bux a month, affordable? i think so.
so your cruisin through the meet me section to find a date. click no for the ones your not attracted to, click yes for the ones you are. simple enough.
Now youve got double matches, and half matches. if you clicked yes on a person, you will appear on that persons half match list, they take a look, and either click yes or no. if they click yes, you are eachothers double match.
all this simple work, of choosing what couples actually are attracted to eachother, done without one peice of communication, they dont even charge you to do any of this.
so now, if your a member, both of you can send as many msgs back and forth as you like.
to me this is the difference between, Fine Quality and Poor Quality.
Match.com on the hand, seems to have many users, and seems do theyre best to match you up with people, based on different questions youve answered, similar to E-Harmony.
Then the whole rest is a wild goose chase, because assuming you do all this stuff, pay the 30 dollars/ month fill out all this information, find the people you like, etc. It really wont matter at all, and will end up being a waste of time, if your not sure that the person you like, is actually attracted to you, and idk im not really convinced of this wink system.
The other funny thing about match.com?
so i filled out the chemistry thing which is new i guess. more questions to answer, its some kind of psychological match profiling, of where you fit into, certain, unsaid labels and catagories.
then i get two emails, or aparent users who want to talk to me, whats strange about that? well I’m not allowed to see theyre pictures, hrmm, seems just a little bit strange here, they wanna sell they site they want me as a member, yet im not allowed to see a picture of who is emailing me.
What most of the dating sites on the internet are lacking, that hot or not does not, is: NON-PAYING-MEMBER-FUNCTIONALITY
basically that means your website is honest, and actually cares about the customers who join the website, nuf said, topic exhausted.
~Chad Bling
I’ve read this! My worse ordeal was GREAT EXPECTATIONS-st louis. they hounded me day after day until I came in for interview, after alot of pressure and lies, even a boggiest book with younger women for me, I joined and then I was able to see the women to pick from! I wrote them letters. no help. so I wrote the missouri attorney general. OH! they charged me 5000.00 for this super dating game. so after alot of b.s. and the great help of the attorney general I got back almost 3000.00 and got out of the contract. this is the short version of this story. thanks for allowing me to maybe save someone else problems… another mistake I made was I told them I was a widower. they gave me all the guns then. thanks, alex lupish, festus missouri. please share this!!!!!
Chad and Alex: Thank you both for sharing your experiences.
I will concur about Match being a fraud. I joined when I relocated to a large metropolitan area. I did not pay and within 24 hours had an email that I could not read from a profile I could not see….that is, until I paid. I figured “what the heck” and paid for three months. I wrote several people and opened this email. The person did not have a profile at all (I needed a visible one to wink at people) yet somehow he managed to write me. Very generic email, calling me “babe” (rather than my screen name) and not once referring to anything in my profile. A week later this name still has no profile. Now if I needed a profile, visible to the public, to send a wink, how does this guy manage to email without one at all. The title said he was 1500 miles away, I specified someone within 50.
Not one of the people bothered to respond, and I did pay extra so I can see that the emails were read. I guess they are waiting for Gisele to dump Tom Brady and come to Match.
I got two winks. One was from someone in my area whose profile was so full of contradictions that I hit “not interested.” The other was, once again, 1500 miles away (same city as the email) and the profile showed a guy who had not been active in 3 weeks or more. Now how is that possible…you have to log in to wink.
I hope they lose their shirts because I feel stupid having paid 60 bucks for a fake email, and two winks (one of them a fake.) The ROI is just not worth it to me. I cancelled (and saved the form) and will also cancel my CC so they can’t bill me again.
PerfectMatch.com was my worst experience. They’re supposed to match you up with your perfect match based on whatever it is they base it on. In 3 months I only received 7 – 10 matches and all but 2 or 3 were 5 hours away from me.
One of the best sites I’ve found and it’s free is plentyoffish.com
MySpace used to be a great place, but now it is so saturated with everyone under the sun.
I have been on match for 3 yrs and it is a joke how people on there are saying they want to meet with you and than just are being mean.
Im decideding to sue or just leave because they are so standoff ish.
My experience with Great Expectations in St. Louis (Maryland Heights office) has been a nightmare. Nothing but lies, unprofessionalism, and HORRIBLE customer service.
After seeing several of Great Expectations’ (GE) ads online and in newspapers, I searched for them online, found their website, and filled out a basic form with my contact information. Their St. Louis office phoned me the next day to arrange for me to come in for a “consultation.” The woman was polite but gave me very little information over the phone, saying they preferred to do an in-person presentation. I went to their office and was first shown a 15-minute video giving an overview of their service, after which I met with one of their employees to discuss the program.
After she described how their service works, I told her that I was interested in meeting women between the ages of 24 and 35 (I am 33) and asked about how many female members they had in that range. She wouldn’t give me a number, but kept saying “We have new people signing up every day.” I told her that if they wanted me to spend the exhorbitant amount they were asking for membership (over $5000 — yes, you read that correctly), I needed to know that they had a large enough member base for it to be worth my money. She then told me that I could also use their service to meet women through their centers anywhere in the country, or even women who “visited” St. Louis. I told her I wanted to know approximately how many female members they had IN THE ST. LOUIS AREA and within the age range I specified. I finally got her to reveal that they had about 125-150 females in St. Louis within that age range.
The contract they wanted me to sign says all over it that there are no cancellations or refunds for any reason, so I emphasized that before I would agree to sign up, I needed them to be honest and very clear with me about how many members they had. I repeated that I was looking specifically for women within a 24-35 age range, and in the St. Louis area. They assured me that they had 125-150 women in that category, and better still, that they had about 20 NEW women signing up each month within that age range in St. Louis. They also told me that most of the women in that group did NOT already have children (which I said was important to me). I signed up and paid $5300 for a “lifetime” membership.
After completing my profile and sitting for my photos and video, I went home and logged onto their site to search their database. The searchable age range closest to what I sought was 18-35. Remember that I was told that there were 125-150 members in the age range I mentioned (24-35). I was shocked to discover that there were only 20-25 members in this range — and this includes the “inactive” members. When I narrowed my search to ACTIVE members in this range, with no children, the number quickly shrank to 16 — a far cry from the 150 I had been told. Off by a factor of ten, in fact! Even worse, when I did a search of 18-35 year old women who had signed up in the last 60 days, there were only four. FOUR! (I had been told they averaged 20 new women per month in my age range!) In addition, despite my being told that all members “must” have photos and videos in their profiles, at least one-third of the profiles lacked one, the other, or both.
I called the GE office immediately to ask whether I was missing something or perhaps not using their database correctly. The woman who answered the phone performed the search as well and came up with the same numbers. I asked her for an explanation and she had none, saying I would need to speak with their director, Rhonda. I have spent the last two weeks trying to get an appointment to talk to Rhonda but have had no success. Each time I call I’m told “We don’t know if or when she will be in today” or something along those lines. I have asked repeatedly for her to call me back, and so far, no luck. And when I ask the office to call me back when they hear from Rhonda, they never do, even after has supposedly “called in to check on things.”
In the meantime, I have performed several online searches for reviews of the GE service, and what I have found has been disheartening to say the least. They currently have 22 complaints on file with the St. Louis Better Business Bureau and a “C” rating. They also have numerous compalints with the MO State Attorney General’s office. Digging deeper in my online search, I found that there are MANY similar complaints from all over the country about GE’s misrepresentations of their member numbers. I have also talked with several of GE’s current and past members in St. Louis, all of whom have felt misled and cheated by the company. In fact, I have yet to see a single example of someone who has had a good experience with GE, despite the company’s claims!
Now I understand that the contract I signed says “no cancellations or refunds” and all that. What gets me is that they got me to sign the contract by giving me false numbers — in fact, numbers that were NOT EVEN CLOSE to the actual number of members they have. I am still trying to get in touch with their director to demand my cancellation and refund, but given what I have heard from other people, I’m not optimistic. They certainly seem to be doing everything they can to prevent me from talking with the director.
This whole experience has become an absolute nightmare for me, and I would really like to help prevent others from falling prey to GE’s deceptive tactics — which is why I am submitting this report. If I can help with any further information, or if anyone would like to discuss this with me, I would be very happy to provide more details.
Does anyone has experience with http://www.angelikalancsak.com ?
The entity of the company is a British Ltd. without any year reports at the Chamber of Commerce.
I saw that there are several clients described, but it looks fishy to me.
Also there are 2 buttons.
Both are leading directly to Paypal for a payment of 3000 euros or a donation.
Does anybody know to wich kind of charity the donations are going? Unicef?
It certainly looks fishy. No legitimate dating service asks for donations! Stay away!