59-Year-Old Widower Looking For Younger Women February 5, 2008
Posted by Anita in Advice for Men, Advice for Seniors, Dating & Relationships, Online Dating, Since You Asked.Tags: Ask Anita, dating, dating advice, life, love, older men, relationship advice, relationships, romance, sex, widower, widows, younger women
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Dear Anita:
I’m a 59-year-old widower who looks and acts 40. I’m really blessed, but I do have one problem. Younger women aren’t interested in me because of my AGE. This really sucks. I’m not poor, I own a lot, and have a lot to offer. I live near St Louis, Missouri and have my act together. I’ve been single now for 5 years, so I’m fresh. But the older women either can’t keep up with me or have too much baggage. And it seems that the area I live in is dead. Can you help? –Still Young at Heart
Dear Still Young:
Thanks for your question and the accompanying photo (which, to protect your privacy, I won’t be posting).
Let me begin by saying that almost every older man I talk to wants to date a younger woman. And the most common complaint I hear from older men is that younger women aren’t interested in them because of their age.
So your situation is far from unique.
According to your e-mail, you’d like to date younger women because you look and feel 40, and the “older” women you’ve been with – meaning women your own age? – either can’t keep up with you or have too many personal issues.
First of all, allow me to be blunt. If you’re pushing 60, I’m sorry, but regardless of how physically fit or young at heart you are – there’s no way you look 40. Sometimes a photo can hide a person’s wrinkles or flaws, but up close and personal, trust me – there’s a huge difference between 40 and 60. And most women can easily spot it.
To remind you of what men in their 40s actually look like, consider these fine actors:
Brad Pitt is 45, Tom Cruise is 46, and George Clooney is 47. Now, according to you, you look several years younger than they do.
Are you sure about that?
[A side note to all you online daters out there: If you've lied about your age in your profile - correct this immediately! You may be able to fool someone as long as you're communicating by e-mail or text message, but once you meet in person - game over!]
Now, back to Still Young’s question.
The way I see it, the real issue here is not how can you find a younger woman, but rather why do you need to?
You mention that you’re widowed, but don’t say how long you were married nor how many other women you’ve dated besides your deceased wife (either before you were married or after her death).
Is it possible you’re simply hoping to recapture your youth?
By dismissing “older” women out of hand, you’re certainly limiting your options. I can tell you, with certainty, that there are many women in their 50s and 60s who are youthful, vibrant, and fit – women without excess baggage and plenty of energy to keep up with you. (Mind you, I live in a big city, so perhaps I know more women than you do.)
You say the area in which you live is “dead.” Do you live in a small town? Have you already dated all the eligible women in your age group?
Another thing to consider is this: Are you sure younger women are rejecting you solely because of your age? Or could it be something else?
No offence, but is it possible you’re living in the past, inappropriately fixated on youth, lacking in social graces, and/or emotionally immature?
Do you have any friends or family members who can help you analyze how you relate to women and other people in general? If so, would you be willing to listen with an open mind? Do you have any adult children? Perhaps they could give you some insight as well.
Or how about personal hygiene? Do you have bad breath, body odor, rotting teeth, stinky feet, a hairy back, or any other issues that women may not find attractive?
Perhaps none of this applies to you, but a little honest introspection can go a long way.
Also, before you completely dismiss “older women,” you may wish to take a peek at seniorfriendfinder.com. Don’t let the word “senior” scare you. I don’t know how good this site is, but as of this writing, they have 1,369 “women seeking men” in Missouri and 443,660 members in total.
Another site, silverfishing.com says it’s 100% free and seems to have younger women seeking older men. A couple of other sites for seniors are datingforseniors.com and allseniordating.com. Again, I am not necessarily recommending any of these sites, as I don’t have any personal experience with them. I’m just pointing out that they exist, if you need someplace to start. If none of these appeal to you, just enter “senior dating” into your search engine and see what comes up.
If you have money, there are plenty of young women looking for a sugar daddy. Sugardaddie.com is a site catering to wealthy older men and the young women who want to be with them. But beware – you’ll have lots of competition.
Unfortunately, Still Young, we can’t stop time. As we age, we all long for the good old days, and some of us try harder than others to recreate them. But there’s a lot to be said for aging gracefully.
Maybe you need a reality check more than you need a younger woman. I recommend you think about that before you make your next move.
Good luck.
Anita, I like your bluntness. I have a friend who is approaching 57 but looks like 60. He is a widower for past few years and has problems in looking for dates. Not that he is not wealthy or lacking in any dress sense etc, but because he feels that at that age, he is suppose to be wiser and has that couldnt care less attitude. Unless the woman is capable to stand up to his ways, then there is no way he will find any woman, let alone a younger one. I am all for older, more mature man but definitely will not take attitudes like this.
Thanks for your comment, Hanie. Sadly, I haven’t heard back from the man who sent the question to me. I suspect I said something he didn’t want to hear.
Hello!
I am a retired wealthy businessman of 61 and I am looking for a sexy young woman.I could offer a lot.I have flats in Stockholm,Paris and a nice house near to Florence in Italy.
I also offer a free open relationship because of our age-difference.I do not mind if she has some young lovers.I only want to be happy.
How to realise this??
I am aged 34 yrs but i would like to keep in touch with that gentle man who is 59 yrs old. I want to make him happy. Age is just a number.
my email is qaakah@yahoo.com
talk to me
I am inerested with that 61 businessman. I hope I would find in him a love relation and not a lust. Call me Lynvee.
Email me at Lynveenar@yahoo.com.ph
hi 61
come to california
Hey Anita,
That was great advice to Still Young at Heart! I’ve been internet dating and am always amazed at the number of men who want to date a woman so much younger than themselves simply because they believe they look and feel 20 years younger.
Why, as an active and fit 46 year old woman would I necessarily want a relationship with a 60 year old man? As an active and fit 46 year old woman who feels and looks 10 years younger, shouldn’t I be dating a man 10 years younger!
Ok, I’m playing devil’s advocate but the truth is, I know the best partner for me is a man within a few years of me on either side and one who is also active (and will carry my canoe, hahaha). And the reasons are simple. I have more in common with a man closer in age. And I have more in common with a man who likes to do the things I do which happen to involve being active. Of course, there are always exceptions. In the end, Still Young at Heart may very well find his young woman, but I hope he’s not just looking for a trophy partner he has nothing in common with and I hope he doesn’t waste too much time chasing after something he may not get when there just very well may be a beautiful woman waiting for him in his age bracket nearby.
Hey Anita, I may just copy this URL and post it on my dating profile. Again….you certainly give good advice. Also to the young woman with the crush.
In The Dating Game
Hello “In the Dating Game,”
Thank you for your comments; glad you appreciate my advice; and feel free to post a link to “Ask Anita” on your dating profile.
I certainly agree that a fit and youthful 46-year-old woman would probably have more in common with a 36-year-old, than a guy in his 60s (who thinks he looks 45).
But, ultimately, it’s chemistry and common values that create relationships that work, no matter what our age. (As long as that certain someone carries our canoe, of course. Ha ha!)
All the best,
Anita
Frankly, I believe that guys who say they are in their fifties and look and act like they are in their forties, but can’t find younger women are deluding themselves about themselves. Sadly, when I was 50 years old my 27 year marriage ended. My first girfriend was 28. After a couple of months of that, I decided I needed to make a rule that I would not date a woman under 35. My next girlfriend was about 40 and the next was exactly 35. I spent no time thinking about how old I was, what I looked like, how energetic I was or how wonderful it would be to have a young girlfriend. I just tried to enjoy myself and meet nice people. When I was 52, I met a 45 year old woman who probably looked about 35. We have been happily married for seven years now. I’m not sure and I won’t spend much time thinking about it, but I think people attract the people that are correct for them, not the ones people WANT to be correct for them.
Hi Michael,
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us and for your insight. Congrats on finding a woman who’s right for you.
I am looking women who are 45 years to 52 years to make keep and touch and open frindly.I hope who are travel much and know asian clutural.