Ask Anita

I’m 17 years old, in the 12th grade, and my girlfriend is 16, in the 10th. When she was in the 9th grade, she went out with a guy for one week, and the year before that, she went out with someone for one or two months.

When I was in the 11th grade, I dated a girl for two months. After her, I went out with another girl for one month, and during the summer I started seeing my current girlfriend. We just celebrated our one-year anniversary.

When we started dating, we were both fresh (meaning virgins) and had never been in love before (even though we thought we’d been in love before, when we didn’t really know what love was).

Well, I was just wondering, even though my girlfriend and I are in a relationship now, when people see us together, do they still think about our ex’s?

Do they say things like, “Oh I remember when he/she was with blah blah blah,” or do they not even think about us like that because they don’t care and don’t keep track of who we went out with in the past?

This has been bothering me a lot lately and I thank you so much for any advice or help you can give me. –Worry Wart

Dear WW:

Hmmm… I’m trying to figure out why this is bothering you so much.

Are you worried that other people may be judging you for having a past?

Or are you feeling bad because you and your GF both dated other people before you started seeing each other?

Either way, allow me to ease your mind.

You have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Some people have long memories and will remember every single person you’ve dated, while others couldn’t care less. But that shouldn’t make any difference to you.

Judgmental people will judge you, and open-minded people will realize you have every right to sow your wild oats until you find the person with whom you are most compatible. If that means dating 3, 30, or even 300 women before you find “the one,” so be it.

It’s nobody’s business but yours. It’s your life, WW, not theirs.

You may have thought you were in love before (but you acknowledge that you actually weren’t) and you may think you are in love now because you believe you understand what love really is. Maybe you’ve found true love, maybe you haven’t.

Although you gave up your virginity to each other and you’ve been together for over a year now – quite a long time compared to your past “relationships” – you’re both very young, and to be honest, it’s unlikely your current girlfriend will still be your partner, say, 20 years from now.

At 16 and 17 years of age, you should be out having fun, dating lots of people, thinking about college and a future career. And you most certainly should not be worried about what other people think of you and whom you choose to date.

Besides, most people are too busy wondering what others think of them, to be spending much time thinking about you!

So my advice to you, WW, is: relax and enjoy your current girlfriend. If your relationship lasts a lifetime, great! If not, don’t worry about it.

You’ve got lots of time to find “Ms. Right,” and in the meantime, feel free to date as many women as you want, regardless of who may be counting.

Just remember to practice safe sex, tell the truth, and be kind.

In keeping with the issue of public perception, here’s a cute little joke I received by e-mail this morning. It doesn’t have anything to do with relationships, per se, but it does illustrate how easily things can be misinterpreted no matter what you do, and that worrying about them doesn’t help:

“The Pastor’s Ass (The Media, the Truth, and Perception)”

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper’s headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted.

He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headline read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is this:

Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery… even shorten your life.

So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll be a lot happier and live longer!

THE END