Ask Anita

Online dating is a fantastic way to meet new people and even find the love of your life. Unfortunately, it isn’t without risk. But fear not. If you exercise caution, use common sense, and follow these top ten safety tips, you can outsmart the scammers every time.

1. Research the dating site before you join.

Not all dating sites and services are created equal. Before you enter your credit card number, do a google search for complaints and lawsuits, and also read the “Terms and Conditions” section so you are aware of your rights and obligations. Or better yet, join a free site with a great reputation (like plentyoffish.com).

2. Don’t share personal information too soon.

Never share your last name, address, home phone number, place of employment, or any other personal information with someone you don’t know. If after several e-mails you decide to speak on the phone, use your cell phone rather than your land line. It’s also a good idea to block your name and number in order to protect your identity.

3. Use anonymous e-mail.

Most online dating sites provide an anonymous e-mail forwarding service. But be careful when you press the “reply” button, because your real name and e-mail address could still appear. If you have an automatic signature, be sure to turn that off or delete it before sending your reply. The best way to remain anonymous is to use free e-mail accounts such as Gmail, Yahoo! Mail, and Hotmail, (providing your real name isn’t part of your e-mail address, of course).

4. Photos shouldn’t lie.

Beware of blurry photos and people wearing hats or hiding behind sunglasses. Use caution if the person is looking away from the camera or looks an awful lot like your favorite celebrity. A true likeness will help you recognize the person when you finally meet. Don’t be afraid to ask for a better or more recent pic. If the person hesitates or says they don’t have one… move on.

5. Beware of multiple aliases and profiles.

Watch out for people who post in more than one category. If someone’s serious about wanting a long-term relationship, they shouldn’t be in the “intimate encounters” section as well. Stay clear of people who have more than one alias in the same category with a different photo, age, and profile; they are obviously fibbers and cannot be trusted.

6. Read (and listen) between the lines.

You can tell a lot about a person by their communication style. Screen potential dates through e-mail and phone calls before agreeing to meet in person. Be wary when someone is vague or doesn’t provide direct answers to direct questions. Pay attention to what they write or say. Are they consistent? Beware of people who reply at odd hours, are difficult to contact, cancel dates, don’t follow through on commitments, or stand you up with lame excuses such as “I forgot,” or “I fell asleep.” They could be married or incarcerated!

Remember: A con artist’s goal is to build your CON-fidence. Their photo might be fab and their profile awesome. But don’t be fooled if someone seems a little too good to be true.

7. Take advantage of video dating and web cams.

If your service offers video dating through your mobile phone, try this before meeting in person. It will give you an opportunity to observe a person’s mannerisms, facial expressions, and tone of voice. If you’re using a web cam at home, be sure to hide any items (such as mail or magazine subscriptions) that might disclose your location and/or reveal personal information about yourself or others.

8. Run background checks.

Your safety is of utmost importance. So there’s no harm in running a background check on your date. Just type “background checks” into your search engine to learn how. Mind you, the information you uncover is only as good as the information you’ve been given. If your date hasn’t disclosed his or her real name or date of birth, you’re out of luck.

9. Stay safe on your first date.

• Always meet in a public place. No exceptions.
• Don’t meet in an unfamiliar neighborhood.
• Tell a friend or family member where you’re going, who you’re meeting, and when you’re expected back.
• Listen to your mother and don’t accept rides from strangers. Get there on your own steam: drive yourself, take public transit, or call a cab.
• If you’re meeting at a restaurant, you could ask a friend to come along and sit at another table. Have a prearranged signal to let your friend know if he or she should leave or come over and get you out of a jam.
• Keep an eye on your drink and personal belongings.
• Don’t get drunk. If you consume alcohol, drink in moderation. But until you really know a person, your best bet is to stick to one cocktail or avoid them altogether.
• Don’t go to your date’s place or invite him or her back to yours.
• If you’re meeting someone out of town, stay in a hotel. Never, ever agree to stay at a stranger’s home.
• If you’ve enjoyed your date, by all means set up another, but continue meeting in public until you feel comfortable enough to shake things up.

10. What does your gut say?

You are not obligated to correspond with, talk to, or meet with anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable. If you’re out on a date and something seems a bit “off,” don’t be afraid to get up and leave. Simply tell your date politely that it’s not working for you and you’re going home. If he or she pressures you to stay, all the more reason to go.

Remember: Do not jeopardize your safety. If you use common sense, trust your instincts, and keep these tips in mind, your dating experiences are bound to be positive, fun, and rewarding.