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Is Mom Too Old for Online Dating? March 12, 2009

Posted by Anita in Advice for Seniors, Advice for Women, Dating & Relationships, Online Dating, Online Hoaxes & Scams, Since You Asked.
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Dear Anita:

My mom is 67 years old and has been widowed for over six years. She’s recently expressed an interest in online dating.

Although I’m not against my mother dating, I am worried that online dating may not be safe for someone her age.

Do you think it’s okay for an elderly woman to use the internet to find dates, and if so, what can she do to protect herself? –Worried Daughter

Dear WD:

It’s commendable that you’re looking out for your mom, and you’re right to be concerned about her dating safety.

But assuming your mother has her wits about her (no Alzheimer’s, no Dementia), then she’s in no greater danger when dating someone she’s met in cyberspace than if she were to catch the eye of a handsome stranger in her local supermarket – providing she meets potential suiters in person, before “falling” for them online.

Everyone should be cautious when dating someone new, regardless of their age and where they happened to meet – and your mother is no exception.

There are a number of things she should and should not do to ensure her online dating experiences are as safe and rewarding as possible.

The greatest threat to the elderly and the naïve, are the money scammers – especially the ones who convince their victims to deposit money orders into their bank accounts, keep some of the money for themselves, and send the rest back to the scammer. The money orders are always fake, and by the time the bank notifies the victim, it’s too late. The scammee has already sent money to the scammer and is obligated to pay back the bank, usually wiping out the victim’s life savings.

So the most important thing for your mother to realize is no matter how sweet, sincere, sad, ill, god-fearing, or “in love” with her someone may appear, if she is ever asked for money, personal banking information, or to cash checks for that person, she must, immediately, cease all communication and block the shyster from ever contacting her again.

Naturally, watching out for money scammers is not the only thing an online dater needs to be cautious about. People can – and do – lie about their age, occupation, marital status, and so on.

As long as your mother remembers this, she can pay attention to subtle clues and read between the lines. If her gut tells her something – or somebody – seems “off,” she should trust her instincts.

And when she meets someone in person for the first time, she should always meet in a public place and let you (or someone close to her) know where she’ll be and what time she is expected home. If she’s really nervous about it, she can always have a friend shadow her and her date. For instance, if they meet at a restaurant or coffee shop, her friend can sit at another table and keep an eye on things until your mom gives the signal that all is well.

For more advice, check out the “Online Dating” section of my blog.

My Boss Read My Racy E-mails! March 3, 2009

Posted by Anita in Advice for Men, Advice for Women, Dating & Relationships, Since You Asked.
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Dear Anita:

I’ve been involved in an office romance with one of my co-workers for about five months. We work in different departments, and neither of us is in a subordinate position to the other. We’re also both single, so nobody’s cheating on their spouse.

Even though we have nothing to hide, we thought it best to be discreet and keep our relationship a secret. So imagine my surprise when my manager confronted me with the e-mails my lover and I have been sending to each other – personal, racy, sexually explicit e-mails, I might add! Although she does not intend to fire me, I was severely reprimanded for corresponding with my man on company time.

Needless to say, I was shocked and embarrassed. Call me naïve, but what right does my manager have to read my e-mail? And if she has access to my computer, what’s the point in having a password that’s supposed to protect me from this very type of intrusion? –Dumbfounded

Dear DF:

Ah, the office romance, exciting, titillating, and as you’ve discovered, sometimes dangerous to your career.

Although many folks have met their life partners at work, others have discovered the harsh reality of dating a co-worker.

In your case, it’s not so much your love affair that’s landed you in hot water, but rather the indiscriminate use of your company’s computer.

I won’t call you naïve because, like most employees, you just didn’t realize your employer has the legal right to access your e-mail (not to mention, everything else on your computer and your voicemail too).

In fact, not only is your boss allowed to read your e-mail, but all electronic communications sent through your company’s network – whether personal or otherwise – are actually owned by the company. There should be a written statement (usually found in the employee handbook) informing you of this policy.

It’s been said, “e-mail is like a postcard – anyone can read it.” This is a great analogy because, not only does your boss (and your boss’s boss and your boss’s boss’s boss) have access to this stuff, so do the system administrators, like that geeky IT guy who works the graveyard shift.

And another thing while we’re on the subject. For those of you scrambling to get rid of the evidence: simply deleting an e-mail will not make it disappear. Most electronic documents are stored on the company’s servers and are fully recoverable.

So why do you have a password on your computer, you ask? It’s not to keep your boss out, but rather, to deter your co-workers and other unauthorized persons from accessing confidential corporate documents.

You’re very lucky you didn’t lose your job, DF. Hopefully your letter will be a wake-up call to the countless others who, at this very moment, are using their office computers to flirt with co-workers, surf the web, and read “Ask Anita.”