Ask Anita

Dear Anita:

I am a widow of two years who was married for 29. We had one son together and he’s now 28. I have found someone I like spending time with, but my son is having a really hard time with this and is giving me a hard time too.

I lied to him about where I was and who I was with only one time, and I know I should not have done that. He was checking up on me and found out that I was lying, which has made matters even worse. I told him that I was sorry, but he’s still angry.

I don’t want to have to deal with him throwing another fit, but I don’t want to stop dating, and I don’t want to lie to him again either.

What should I do? -Hissy Fit’s Mom

Dear HFM:

Wow. Your son’s 28 and throwing tantrums like a 5-year-old. He’s obviously still grieving deeply for his dad and sees your need for companionship as being disrespectful to his father’s memory.

I also get the impression he lives with you – otherwise why would you feel the need to tell him where you are and with whom, and why would he be “checking up” on you?

Either way, you have every right to date, and you have no obligation to share the details of your private life with your fully grown son. This doesn’t mean you have to lie about it. Instead, when he asks where you’ve been and with whom, simply say you’d rather not discuss it – especially when you know any disclosure on your part will result in “another fit.”

Assure your son that you loved your husband (assuming this is true), but he’s gone now, and you aren’t required to be miserable for the rest of your life because of his death.

If your son can’t deal with his own grief nor understand your need to move on with your life, the boy needs counseling. Furthermore, if you do live under the same roof and he continues to be intolerant of the choices you make – it’s time for him to move out.