Ask Anita

Dear Anita:

I just started a relationship with a man who is 35 and I am 54. I do not look or act 54; he doesn’t care about my age and I don’t care about his. Unfortunately, I have two sons who are 23 and 26 years of age.

After many years of thinking I am not worthy, I am having a hard time adjusting to this. I do not sleep around, but I don’t want to be used either.

I am not wealthy, just a fun-loving, hard-working executive with a company, and I do happen to work with this gentleman.

I have never been one to call someone and ask them to meet me. Should I grab the horns of the bull and be more assertive? -Hot but Hesitant

Dear HBH:

I’m a little confused by your question.

If you’re already in a relationship with this man, why would you feel uncomfortable calling him to “meet”? Relationships are two-way streets, so it only makes sense that you would initiate some of your get-togethers.

No offence, but is there any chance you’re misinterpreting his intentions? I once worked with a woman who’d convinced herself that the relationship she had with one of our suppliers was something more. She had a crush on him, and every time he called to discuss business, she believed he was calling because he was romantically interested in her. Occasionally, he’d suggest they meet at a coffee shop around the corner (rather than the office), which is what confused her. But it was quite obvious to me that his interest in her was purely professional.

Assuming you are not similarly deluded, there’s absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t call your beau any time you want. You’re already “breaking the rules” by dating a man almost 20 years your junior, so there’s no need to be shy or “old-fashioned” about it now.

You mention the ages of your sons, but other than your use of the word “unfortunately,” you don’t say they have a problem with your boyfriend – or vice versa. In which case, you have no reason to be concerned or embarrassed.

Life is too short to second guess your happiness, especially if you’ve felt unworthy for so many years.

Age differences aside, you’re both consenting adults – so have as much sex as you want. If you genuinely like each other, then you’re not being used. Is there any reason for you to believe he has ulterior motives – such as a promotion at work, for instance?

You say you’re an executive at a company. Does this man report to you in any way? If so, you may wish to rethink your relationship based on that. As a rule of thumb, bosses should not date subordinates, so you don’t want to jeopardize your job over this or be accused of showing favoritism to one of your employees.

But if none of this applies… then, absolutely, go ahead, take the bull by the horns and enjoy the ride!