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Be Kind to Your Chocolate Rabbits March 17, 2008

Posted by Anita in Holiday Dating, Miscellaneous.
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Seeing Red: The Marketing of Valentine’s Day February 12, 2008

Posted by Anita in Dating & Relationships, Holiday Dating.
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With Valentine’s Day only two days away, it’s impossible to ignore the aggressive marketing associated with this emotionally charged holiday.

No matter how hard we try, we can’t seem to get away from all those pink and red “gift suggestions.” From teddy bears, chocolates, and candies to satin lingerie, jewelry, and greeting cards, there’s absolutely no avoiding those colors, unless you live in a deep, dark cave somewhere in Alaska.

Yet, by next weekend, all the come-hither crimson and pastel hues will have been unceremoniously replaced by all things green, as St. Paddy and his leprechaun friends kick St. Valentine and his arrow-slinging cupids off the shelves for another year.

So what’s so special about pink and red anyway and why are these colors the ‘hallmark’ of our society’s official day of love?

The Color Red:

• is typically associated with hot, sizzling passion and sex
• symbolizes heat and fire
• can increase a person’s respiration and increase their blood pressure
• is thought to provoke hunger (as in buy these chocolates!)

The Color Pink:

• is considered delicate, romantic and charming
• is traditionally associated with women and little girls
• is known to have a tranquilizing effect

And… depending on your mood, you and your special Valentine can go out and “paint the town red” or just stay in and be “tickled pink.”

So, What’s in a Card?

There’s no denying that Valentine’s Day is a “Hallmark Holiday.”

According to the Greeting Card Association (GCA – a trade organization representing greeting card and stationery publishers) 190 million Valentine cards are sold every year. That’s right folks, one hundred and ninety million—which is 63% of the US population!

In fact, according to the GCA, “Valentine’s Day is the second most popular card-sending holiday in the United States.” And “greeting cards traditionally rank as the number one Valentine’s Day gift among American adults—ahead of flowers, a night out, or candy.”

Who’s Buying What?

A survey of 1030 adults, conducted by the GCA in January of last year revealed the following about the card-buying habits of men and women:

1. What kind of Valentine’s Day card are you likely to give?

• 40% of those surveyed prefer to give humorous cards that make you laugh, with more women (49%) than men (34%) likely to give such a card.

• 32% prefer to give romantic cards, with (surprisingly) more men (35%) than women (30%) indicating this preference.

• Only 7% like to give cute and adorable cards, while sexy and naughty cards lagged behind at 6%.

2. What kind of Valentine’s Day card would you prefer to receive?

• Again, humorous cards that make you laugh are preferable to all others. 46% of the men and 44% of the women prefer to receive funny cards.

• Romantic cards aren’t nearly as popular as you might think! Only 25% of those surveyed prefer to receive romantic cards (22% of the men and 28% of the women). Take that Cupid!

• While 9% like to receive cute and adorable cards and 6% are okay with cards that are sexy and naughty.

3. Marital Status

Of those surveyed:

• 40% were married for more than 7 years
• 12% had given up on dating!
• 11% were married for 7 years or less
• 11% were exclusively dating one person
• 9% rarely dated
• 6% were playing the field
• 5% were living together

But I’m Not in a Relationship—What About Me?

Sadly, the commercialization of Valentine’s Day causes many single folks to feel lonely and unloved.

But you know what? According to the United States Census Bureau, almost 50% of American adults are either widowed, divorced, separated, or never married! That’s a whole lot of single people!

So, just because you don’t have a significant other for February the 14th, rest assured you are definitely not alone!

Remember, Valentine’s Day is primarily all about the hype and not the least bit indicative of your success or failure in—or out of—a relationship.

However, if you simply can’t resist the urge to partake in those pink and red commercial offerings, there’s no reason why you can’t be your own Valentine! Send yourself some flowers, write yourself a love letter, buy yourself a chocolate heart and some satin pajamas, then spend the night cuddling your cat, eating bon bons, drinking champagne, and watching some of those romantic movies I suggested.

After all… a little heart-felt self-love can go a long, long way!

10 Romantic Movies to Inspire You February 10, 2008

Posted by Anita in Dating & Relationships, Holiday Dating, Online Dating.
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With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, many of us are (reluctantly) taking stock of our love lives.

Whether you’re in a long-term relationship, just dating, or still looking for that special someone, we could all use some inspiration. So, in an effort to assist you, I’ve taken the liberty of selecting ten of my favorite romantic movies for your viewing pleasure.

If you’re single… feel free to watch them on your own with a big bowl of popcorn and some tissues for the sappy moments.

If you’re an online dater… you should take this opportunity to do some research for your profile! Have a pen and paper handy to jot down some of the cool lines from the films. The more creative and compelling your profile, the better the results… and profile headers with intriguing quotes are definite attention-getters!

If you’re seeing someone… snuggle up on the couch and spend some quality time together. When it comes to Valentine’s Day, even the most diehard “man’s man” will usually succumb to the charms of a “chick flick” if there’s a little something in it for him (wink wink). In fact, a study conducted by Kansas State University Psychology Professor, Richard Harris, revealed that, contrary to the stereotype, many guys do in fact like romantic films (perhaps not as much as women do) but they don’t find them as irksome as you may think.

And no need to wait until February the 14th either. Why not rent a few now and create some ambiance before Cupid makes his appearance on Thursday.

So without further ado… here they are (in no particular order):

1. You’ve Got Mail
Tagline: “Someone you pass on the street may already be the love of your life.”
Plot Line: “Two business rivals hate each other at the office but fall in love over the internet.”
This romantic comedy, starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, stripped away many of the taboos associated with internet dating and showed us that it’s entirely possible—and perfectly acceptable—to fall for someone you’ve met online. I’ve seen this film numerous times and I’m not sick of it yet!

2. Sleepless in Seattle
Tagline: “What if someone you never met, someone you never saw, someone you never knew was the only someone for you?”
Plot Line: “A recently-widowed man’s son calls a radio talk show in an attempt to find his father a partner.”
Starring: Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan (again!)
I love this film and cry every time I watch it!

3. The Wedding Singer
Tagline: “He’s gonna party like it’s 1985.”
Plot Outline: “Robbie, the singer, and Julia, the waitress, are both engaged to be married, but to the wrong people. Fortune intervenes to help them discover each other.”
Starring: the delightful Drew Barrymore and perpetual nice guy Adam Sandler
If you love 80’s music as much as I do, you’ll enjoy this film and the soundtrack too!

4. Jerry McGuire
Taglines: “Everybody loved him… Everybody disappeared”; “Show me the money!”
Plot Outline: When sports agent Jerry McGuire has a moral epiphany and is fired for expressing it, he decides to put his new philosophy to the test as an independent. Only two people stay with him as he ventures out on his own: single mother Dorothy Boyd, the staff accountant who’s secretly in love with him, and football player Rod Tidwell.
Starring: Tom Cruise, Renee Zellweger, and Cuba Gooding Jr.
I have to admit, I’m not too fond of Tom Cruise these days, but I did like this movie. Renee Zellweger is lovely in it and Cuba Gooding Jr. brings tremendous energy to the film. And of course, who doesn’t remember Zellweger’s famous line: “Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at ‘hello’.” Guys will like this film because of the sports theme.

5. My Best Friend’s Wedding
Tagline: “Julianne fell in love with her best friend the day he decided to marry someone else.”
Plot Outline: “When a woman’s long-time friend says he’s engaged, she realizes she loves him herself… and sets out to get him, with only days before the wedding.”
Starring: Julia Roberts, Dermot Mulroney, Cameron Diaz, and Rupert Everett
One of my favorite scenes is the one at the restaurant, where everyone bursts into song. Check it out here.

6. Sweet Home Alabama
Tagline: “Sometimes what you’re looking for is right where you left it.”
Plot Outline (from amazon.com): “New York fashion designer Melanie Carmichael suddenly finds herself engaged to the city’s most eligible bachelor. But Melanie’s past holds many secrets, including Jake, the redneck husband she married in high school, who refuses to divorce her. Bound and determined to end their contentious relationship once and for all, Melanie sneaks back home to Alabama to confront her past, only to discover that you can take the girl out of the South, but you can never take the South out of the girl.”
Starring: Reece Witherspoon and Josh Lucas
Ah, the chemistry.

7. Titanic
Tagline: “A woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets.”
Plot Outline: “Fictional romantic tale of a rich girl and poor boy who meet on the ill-fated voyage of the ‘unsinkable’ ship.”
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet
I never saw this film on the big screen, but thoroughly enjoyed it on DVD. The theme song will haunt you forever (even if you can’t stand Celine Dion!). Highly recommended! (Note: There are several films called “Titanic.” Make sure you select the one released in 1997, directed by James Cameron.)

8. 50 First Dates
Tagline: “Imagine having to win over the girl of your dreams… every friggin’ day.”
Plot Outline: “Henry Roth is a man afraid of commitment up until he meets the beautiful Lucy. They hit it off and Henry thinks he’s finally found the girl of his dreams, until he discovers she has short-term memory loss and forgets him the very next day.”
Starring: Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler—together again.
To be honest, I was expecting this film to be somewhat boring. After all, how many first dates can the same two people go on before the viewer loses interest? But I was pleasantly surprised by the creative plot and the clever, happy ending.

9. I.Q.
Tagline: “Think Love.”
Plot Outline: Auto mechanic Edward Walters falls for the intelligent and beautiful Catherine Boyd, who is engaged to another man. But Catherine’s uncle, Albert Einstein, schemes to make his brainy niece fall in love with Ed, by helping Ed pretend he’s a great physicist.
Starring: Meg Ryan, Tim Robbins, and Walter Matthau
I’d completely forgotten about this film, until I recently saw it on television and remembered how much I loved it! It’s such a sweet story and “Albert Einstein” is simply adorable. A feel-good romantic comedy. Guys will like it too!

10. 9 ½ Weeks
Tagline: “They broke every rule.”
Plot Summary: This cult classic is a kinky, erotic story about an art gallery assistant who begins a whirl-wind affair with a mysterious stock broker. Things get weird, complications arise, and…
Starring: Mickey Rourke (before he destroyed his face) and the, always sexy, Kim Basinger
This film isn’t for everyone, so watch it at your own risk.

Can’t Decide?

For more information, movie trailers, and photos, check out www.imdb.com: the “Earth’s biggest movie database.”

Enjoy!

Can Couples Cope with Holiday Stress? December 11, 2007

Posted by Anita in Advice for Men, Advice for Women, Dating & Relationships, Holiday Dating.
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Holiday Madness
Last-minute shopping, a deluge of holiday parties, looming deadlines, never-ending to-do lists, a dwindling bank account, and an intolerant boss – can cause even the most grounded of individuals to lose their cool.

Many of us are under a tremendous amount of stress right now, and sadly, this can wreak havoc on our primary relationships.

If you’ve just started dating someone, holiday stress can test your fortitude as a potential couple and could easily kill a good thing before it has a chance to blossom. Alternately, if you’re in a long-term relationship, unrealistic pressures of the season may cause you to take things out on each other – sometimes causing irreparable damage.

Holidays Can Make You Sad
Many people react poorly to the holidays. Despite all the happy-sappy television commercials and feel-good holiday movies, not everyone is walking around with a holly-jolly song in their heart. I, for one, suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), which is caused by lack of sunlight during the dark winter months. Those of us suffering from SAD (an estimated half a million people) feel depressed, lethargic, and cranky from October until April and would be perfectly content to hibernate for a good six months. SADly, that’s not an option, so we’re forced to tough it out and manage our symptoms until spring rolls around.

To add insult to injury, I’m also an orphan (my parents and only sibling were killed in a car accident when I was five), so – although I have wonderful friends and a caring partner – I’m experiencing the added stress of missing and craving the warmth and love of a “real” family. But I take comfort in knowing I’m not the only one who feels out of sorts during the holidays – and so can you.

Keeping the Peace
Like many folks out there, you and your significant other may feel obligated to live up to unrealistic story-book expectations during the holiday season. Acknowledging and accepting you’re both under additional stress right now can go a long way in helping to diffuse petty arguments.

I agree with Marriage and Family Therapist, Helene Rothschild, who, in her article, “Best Insurance Policy for Relationships,” tells us that most people want the following from their partner:

• respect and appreciation
• support to be their unique selves
• quality time together
• new and varied activities
• win-win problem solving
• constructive communication
• alone time and some separate activities
• affection and fulfilling love-making
• unconditional love

Talk to Each Other
When you’re under a lot of stress, remembering you both ultimately want the same things (see above list) can give you much-needed perspective, especially if you’re on the verge of blowing a fuse. When you feel the holiday pressure building and you’re ready to bite the head off your mate – take a step back and breathe. Kind words and a little physical contact can help turn things around. A reassuring hug, a loving smile, and a tender kiss can go a long way in diffusing a situation before it turns ugly.

And don’t forget laughter. If you can find some humor in it, that’ll work wonders too!

It Melts in Your Mouth
If you can’t trust yourself to be kind, or funny, or cuddly – then walk away and eat some chocolate. (At this time of year, there’s bound to be a box or two lying around.) Chocolate releases serotonin in the brain and produces feelings of calmness and pleasure. It also contains phenethylamine, which allegedly acts as a mild sexual stimulant – hence chocolate’s reputation as an aphrodisiac. Actually, I’m not sure how true the aphrodisiac claims really are. I personally eat a heck of a lot of chocolate, and quite frankly, I can’t say I’m having all that much extra sex. But don’t let my experience discourage you; there’s no harm in giving it a try. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll have taken a necessary time-out and enjoyed a yummy snack at the same time. And if you happen to gain a pound or two, no biggie – you were probably planning on starting a diet in the New Year anyway!

Talk to a Professional
If, however, you’re in over your head and neither communicating with your partner nor eating chocolate is doing any good – it may be time to seek professional help. Whether you visit a therapist alone or as a couple, there’s no need to feel embarrassed or ashamed. Seeing a professional doesn’t mean you’re crazy – it simply means you’re human and trying to do the best you can. It will also show your partner you care enough about your relationship to do whatever it takes to make things right.

And really – what could be a better holiday gift than that?

Peace to all.

It’s Not Too Late to Find a Holiday Date December 6, 2007

Posted by Anita in Dating & Relationships, Holiday Dating.
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Although there’s no shame in not having a date for the holidays, some of you probably wish you did. So… with this in mind, here are a few things you can do to maximize your chances of meeting someone before the decorations come down and the new calendars go up.

Online Dating
If you’re already a member of an online dating site, this would be a good time to update your headline and your profile.
• Be specific. Say you’re not necessarily looking for a soul mate, just a friend with whom to share the holidays.
• If you’re currently in the “Relationship” section, move to “Casual Dating” or the “Just Friends” category for now.
• If you haven’t joined an online dating site yet… there’s no time like the present. Pick a site and do it now!

Beyond Cyberspace
Obviously, cyberspace – although an excellent option – is not your only one. Here are a few things you can try:

Get Cultured
Visit your city’s museum, science center, art gallery, or similar venue. Strike up a conversation with whomever catches your eye.

Get Smart
Libraries, book stores, and book fairs are great places to meet people with similar interests. At the very least, you know they can read!

Take a Class
Check out the class listings at your local university, college, or neighborhood community center. Whether you sign up for bartending, gardening, yoga, or Spanish, you’re bound to meet someone compatible in a class you both enjoy.

Talk Fast
Speed dating is extremely popular, and most cities have regular events. Check the internet or your local newspaper listings for one near you. You’ll find various age groups and locations to choose from.

Be a Good Sport
If you’re a gal, grab one of your girlfriends and attend a sporting event. There’ll be all kinds of single guys to chat up. And guys… if you’re looking for a woman who will actually appreciate your enthusiasm for a good game – you’ll to sure to find her here.

Get Moving
Sign up for a hiking trip or walking tour. This is a great way to meet other singles and you’ll get some exercise at the same time!

Be Sweet
Coffee and donut shops are fabulous places to meet other singles. Most people go alone – whether to relax with a hot cup of java, to read, or to work on their laptops. But, make no mistake, a lot of these folks are checking out the other patrons and won’t mind being approached. Start with a smile across the room and, if you receive a positive response, strike up a conversation. Don’t forget to bring along a book or a Sudoku puzzle, to occupy your time while you’re perusing the clientele.

I met a fellow in a donut shop many years ago. It’s a funny story, which I’ll save for another posting; but, suffice to say, we hit it off. Although we didn’t sustain a romantic relationship, we’ve remained friends and never tire of telling the story of how we met.

Kid Around
Playgrounds are a great place to meet single parents. Even if you’re not a single parent yourself, borrow your sister’s kids for the afternoon. It’s okay to go alone if you’re a woman – but this could backfire if you’re a guy. (You don’t want to be mistaken for a perv.) So use this suggestion with caution, and skip it all together if you don’t really enjoy being around children.

Cheers!
Although picking people up in bars can be dangerous, if you keep your wits about you, it’s not necessarily a bad place to look. And, if you’re a woman looking for a holiday date, sports bars are always filled with single guys. Just be sure to drink in moderation and don’t “hit on” anyone who’s clearly intoxicated.

Taste the Wine
For a more cultured “drink and meet” experience, try a wine tasting event. Check your newspaper or the internet for one in your area.

Play Fetch
There is no shortage of single men and women who are out walking their dogs. Don’t have a dog? Volunteer as a dog walker for your local animal shelter, or just visit a park at dog-walking time. There’s no easier way to strike up a conversation than by complimenting someone’s pooch.

Shop for a Date
Why make shopping for holiday gifts a chore, when you can be shopping for a date at the same time? No need to be shy. Most people realize, at this time of year, we’re all in the same boat and will be more than willing to commiserate. Just last week I was in my local drugstore picking up some sundries. A certain brand of toilet paper was on sale and a nice-looking man was perusing the display.

“Do you think that’s a good deal?” I ask.

“Oh, definitely. It’s a very good price,” he replies.

“Hmm… I wonder which one’s better,” I continue, “the “super strong” or the “super soft?”

He laughs and says, “Well, I think the “super strong” is better for a man, and the “super soft” for a woman. So, I’m getting the “super strong” for me and the “super soft” for my wife.

Okay… so this guy happened to be married. But you never know unless you try.

Shop ‘Til You Drop
For a date-shopping extravaganza, ladies, try these departments or stores: hardware, electronics, computers, sporting goods, and automotive. And, men, check out: lingerie, cosmetics, perfume, groceries, hair products, stationery, candies, and pet supplies.

Be Charitable
One of the best ways to meet like-minded and kind-hearted singles is to volunteer. Just type “volunteer opportunities” or “charities” into your search engine followed by the name of your city. You can run in a charity marathon, volunteer at a food bank, read to terminally ill kids, or play cards with the elderly in a nursing home, to name a few.

Ready, Set, Go!
With these suggestions in mind, you’re now ready to take action. But, before you do, here are some final words of advice:

• Don’t appear desperate
• Don’t take it too seriously
• Have fun looking

If you meet someone – great! If not, at the very least, you’ve gotten some exercise, learned a new skill, or made someone’s day. And that’s got to feel good!