Comments for Ask Anita http://askanita.wordpress.com No-Nonsense, Tough-Love Dating and Relationship Advice from Someone Who's "Been There, Done That!" Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:57:28 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 Comment on I Feel Like My Boyfriend is Hiding Me by Anon. http://askanita.wordpress.com/2009/10/12/i-feel-like-my-boyfriend-is-hiding-me/#comment-406 Anon. Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:57:28 +0000 http://askanita.wordpress.com/?p=1454#comment-406 Hi there, I came across this after seeking some of my own answers/insight in to my own behaviour. I might be able to help bring some light to your situation as I only recently mentioned to my parents that I have a girlfriend after being with her for 1.5 years... I certainly did not feel good about keeping it quiet for so long. I was even asked a couple times by my parents if there were any 'special ladies' in my life (what lots of parents always ask!) and I did not have the confidence/assurance in myself to admit that I was seeing someone. To be frank, my mum in particular feels I was being deceptive and they feel hurt that I kept it a 'secret' from them... fair enough... Why did I keep it quiet for so long? Well, I'm still figuring that out, but what I do know is that I have some issues with my family (probably all in my head) and it was only until recent that I was able to tell my girlfriend that I loved her... before I could say that to her, the relationship didn't really feel real to me (my girlfriend agrees, she was beggining to wonder if I just saw her as a very close friend - maybe I am/was afraid of intimacy?)... I think previously I was afraid to tell them I was seeing her because I was afraid of it all falling apart and me looking like an idiot and screwing something up (again). In reality I think it was selfish of me to keep it for so long, I was only protecting my own ego. Also we've also had one or two issues over the course of us being together that in a way I think made me feel insecure about our relationship and maybe unsure of my own self. Basically, I would say that when it comes to love and relationships, it's dangerous to generalise and make assumptions on the reasons for people's behaviour. Ultimately people are complex. Our reasons for our thinking and actions can be so bizarre and non-sensical to other people, even though it might make complete sense to us. Don't worry too much, speak to your boyfriend about it. If you demand he tells his parents or demand a reason why he won't say and he doesn't comply, I would re-think things over. If it's hurting you and he loves you, he will try his best to stop. Stay strong and best of luck. Hi there,

I came across this after seeking some of my own answers/insight in to my own behaviour. I might be able to help bring some light to your situation as I only recently mentioned to my parents that I have a girlfriend after being with her for 1.5 years…

I certainly did not feel good about keeping it quiet for so long. I was even asked a couple times by my parents if there were any ’special ladies’ in my life (what lots of parents always ask!) and I did not have the confidence/assurance in myself to admit that I was seeing someone. To be frank, my mum in particular feels I was being deceptive and they feel hurt that I kept it a ’secret’ from them… fair enough…

Why did I keep it quiet for so long? Well, I’m still figuring that out, but what I do know is that I have some issues with my family (probably all in my head) and it was only until recent that I was able to tell my girlfriend that I loved her… before I could say that to her, the relationship didn’t really feel real to me (my girlfriend agrees, she was beggining to wonder if I just saw her as a very close friend – maybe I am/was afraid of intimacy?)… I think previously I was afraid to tell them I was seeing her because I was afraid of it all falling apart and me looking like an idiot and screwing something up (again). In reality I think it was selfish of me to keep it for so long, I was only protecting my own ego. Also we’ve also had one or two issues over the course of us being together that in a way I think made me feel insecure about our relationship and maybe unsure of my own self.

Basically, I would say that when it comes to love and relationships, it’s dangerous to generalise and make assumptions on the reasons for people’s behaviour. Ultimately people are complex. Our reasons for our thinking and actions can be so bizarre and non-sensical to other people, even though it might make complete sense to us.

Don’t worry too much, speak to your boyfriend about it. If you demand he tells his parents or demand a reason why he won’t say and he doesn’t comply, I would re-think things over. If it’s hurting you and he loves you, he will try his best to stop.

Stay strong and best of luck.

]]> Comment on I Feel Like My Boyfriend is Hiding Me by Anita http://askanita.wordpress.com/2009/10/12/i-feel-like-my-boyfriend-is-hiding-me/#comment-405 Anita Thu, 05 Nov 2009 17:21:15 +0000 http://askanita.wordpress.com/?p=1454#comment-405 Thanks for your comment, Jessica. I'm glad to hear this helped. Thanks for your comment, Jessica. I’m glad to hear this helped.

]]> Comment on I Feel Like My Boyfriend is Hiding Me by Jessica http://askanita.wordpress.com/2009/10/12/i-feel-like-my-boyfriend-is-hiding-me/#comment-404 Jessica Thu, 05 Nov 2009 01:58:38 +0000 http://askanita.wordpress.com/?p=1454#comment-404 I get this feeling too. It's hard sometimes, to know what's really going on. This really helped me get a different perspective on things. Thank you! I get this feeling too. It’s hard sometimes, to know what’s really going on. This really helped me get a different perspective on things. Thank you!

]]> Comment on Are You Driving Men Away? by ANGIE http://askanita.wordpress.com/2007/12/20/are-you-driving-men-away/#comment-401 ANGIE Tue, 20 Oct 2009 03:31:58 +0000 http://askanita.wordpress.com/2007/12/20/are-you-driving-men-away/#comment-401 Great advice...i myself just seem to think negative thoughts..from former guys that have lied or cheated...i want everything my way or if my call isnt answered in enough time he isnt interested. I feel that he should call me and see what im doing everyday..but i guess thats not reality....thanks for the advice...because he told me today to chill out, relax, dont run me away from u ..cause i like u...so that was my warning...atleast he gave me a warning..so i got online to find help..i really like him..and i have ran guys off before despite my beauty and education... Great advice…i myself just seem to think negative thoughts..from former guys that have lied or cheated…i want everything my way or if my call isnt answered in enough time he isnt interested. I feel that he should call me and see what im doing everyday..but i guess thats not reality….thanks for the advice…because he told me today to chill out, relax, dont run me away from u ..cause i like u…so that was my warning…atleast he gave me a warning..so i got online to find help..i really like him..and i have ran guys off before despite my beauty and education…

]]> Comment on Why is My Girlfriend Friends with Her Ex? by Gregory B http://askanita.wordpress.com/2007/12/08/my-girlfriend-is-friends-with-her-ex/#comment-400 Gregory B Mon, 19 Oct 2009 21:11:13 +0000 http://askanita.wordpress.com/2007/12/08/my-girlfriend-is-friends-with-her-ex/#comment-400 I will be answering both youngstud and Refuses to Compete; both of you need to drop your ex girlfriend and boyfriend and run. You are supposed to be number one in your partners life. when your partner hangs out with an ex she or he still has a thing for each other and are or will be eventually sleeping together. I know it hurts but dump these loosers, or keep lying to yourself and say its ok. I will be answering both youngstud and Refuses to Compete;
both of you need to drop your ex girlfriend and boyfriend and run. You are supposed to be number one in your partners life. when your partner hangs out with an ex she or he still has a thing for each other and are or will be eventually sleeping together. I know it hurts but dump these loosers, or keep lying to yourself and say its ok.

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